Why is life some big confusing and twisted game?

There are all these rules that you have to figure out and theyre so complex. and once you think youve got them down, suddenly all of the rules change and youre back where you started, only this time you have less of a will or drive to keep it up. its like a sick joke that someone came up with just to watch us all miserably trip over ourselves in a panic, never succeeding because success isn’t even real.

What is the answer? And if there is no answer, where is the joy in that?

Where is the joy in spending a lot of time trying to attain something, and once youve truly attained it, not being given enough time to truly enjoy it before it is ripped out from under you, once again?

I see nothing in this system. No appeal.

From morning ‘till morning we move. we move up and down, over, out, in, back, through, forward. What moves us? To what call are we pulled? What outside force acts upon us to continue our motion?

I was walking to class the other day. I was staring at the world. I was removed from the world and at the same time I was the world and the world was me. And everything was one, moving, flowing unit. As I watched, I was moving, and everyone else was moving. The leaves and the people, all together, flowing with the wind.  It was such a beautiful experience for me because I finally felt complete. I felt the comfort of being a whole with the rest of the universe.  

Nothing ever stops. We are all a force. All going. All one. 

In this moment I felt so connected, so part of the earth and the people around me. We all seemed to be the same, yet so different. And I wondered why we limit our interaction. Why do we break off into groups and sections when we are all so similar. Why do we not make more of an effort to move ourselves towards other? 

I want to be a part of the world. I want to interact with everyone that I can. I want to spread myself across the globe in order to somehow be a part of every single thing that I can become a part of. I want to give myself out in little pieces to everyone that I can. I want to be a change in the world even if only for a single moment.

To start off I’d like to say that last semester was pretty rough for me. I felt kind of a mess. Not focused, overwhelmed by emotions, not really alive.

It’s a new year. I’m feeling really happy. It’s always good to go back to your center. I feel kind of lost throughout the year, but then I go home and spend time with people who I am closest too.  This regroups me, it resettles my mind, and sets me up for a positive future. I’m excited to go back to school. Having time to remove myself from the situation of what my life is at school, allows me to analyze what has been going on, what I’ve been doing, where I am at in my life and in my emotions, and gives me the opportunity to plan ahead for what I will do next semester. I’m really excited for this next semester.. Everything looks positive and hopeful for the future.  There is no reason to waste time looking to the past any longer. I’ve gone over everything 100 times if not 500 times. I’ve thought, I’ve stressed, I’ve talked, and realized everything that needs to be realized.  Having said that, I am fully ready to go back to school and be happy, get things done, and move forward in my life.